If I could go back in time to whoever created the words “should” and “supposed to”, I would walk up and punch them right in the face.

These two words/phrases are responsible for the unnecessary mental suffering of millions of people, if not billions. You may argue, “well, we need those words to describe truths in our human experience!” My response to that is a strong MAYBE. I see it more as a “chicken or the egg” kind of thing.

Words describe our experience, but they also CREATE our experience. Whole worlds of possibility open up that perhaps might not exist without the words to describe them. Click To Tweet

The Amondawa people of Brazil have no word for “time.” It has been observed that they function in a very different way then US cultures, who wrap every moment of our lives around the concept of time. Of course this is also due to their close-to-nature lifestyle. But were you to teach these people what “time” is, I wonder if we would not see an introduction of new emotions related to the concept of time. Fear, anxiety and worry are all closely attached to time. “It’s too late.”, “I’m too old.”, “I don’t have enough time.” etc, etc.

I have long suspected that people who speak different languages have a different internal experience of life. Eskimo’s have an ability to talk about, thus understand, nuances of snow that an English speaking person wouldn’t even be able to imagine. This is due, in part, to their 50 descriptive words for the icy wonder. The Sanskrit language has 96 words for love to English’s ONE. If language describes what we think and feel, imagine how much more complex and intricate the experience of love must be for those who speak Sanskrit. Imagine, what worlds would open up if we learned 95 more words for love?? If we learn a word that describes something on a level we haven’t been able to articulate, but have felt, doesn’t that add to our ability to better describe our experience… even if just to ourselves?

Ok, back to “should” and “supposed to”. “Should” is to blame for more guilt, self flagellation and ridiculously high expectations for ourselves and others than perhaps any other word in our language. “Supposed to” is a close and interchangeable second to blame for our cultural addiction to blame and shame.

Imagine if these words didn’t exist. Instead of saying “I should have gotten more successful by now.” Perhaps our internal conversation would sound more like “I am not doing what I want to in life yet. Perhaps I can change my tactics or go back to school.” Or when pointing the finger at others; “You are supposed to be a better listener!”, could instead be; “I feel like you don’t listen to me sometimes.” Or even deeper… perhaps that internalized pressure of imagining that things are not exactly OK just as they are showing up, wouldn’t occur at all and we would simply accept and flow with what IS in our lives. How peaceful… what a relief that would be!

This is not to say that I believe striving to better ourselves isn’t healthy or not needed. On the contrary. What I see however, is how much more pleasurable the process of growth could be without all the layers of shame and stress we put on ourselves.

SO, I propose eliminating “should” and “supposed to” from our language as much as humanly possible. SO much, that the thought forms attached to these words begin to no longer be an option for your mind and heart to engage in. Instead of blame, shame and guilt, perhaps we would instead begin to operate more on the level of acceptance, possibility and creativity. Sounds nice, doesn’t it? We should get right on that… oh, wait… dang it…ha!

As always, we are all in this (joyously or tragically) together!
xo Anah